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Marlowe Spade, Food Detective

September 8, 2009

gumshoeMy cellphone interrupted my reading the latest news: “McDonald’s Files For Bankruptcy Protection After Losing Multiple Class Action Suits”. It was Joe at the office. “Got another one!”, he said.  I shook my head in disgust.  “All right. Where is it? I’ll meet you there.” I replied.  He sent the address to my phone and soon I was maneuvering through the morning traffic to the site. Forensics was already there and told Joe to call me.  They weren’t sure but based on the evidence they said it was similar to the string of cases I cracked two years ago that began a new trend in crime: murder by food.   At the time I told everyone this was only the beginning and that we’d see more of it. Sure enough, here we are again.

Murder by food.  It’ll be commonplace now.  Whatever happened to those innocent days when we were all blissfully ignorant about food?  Who knew we were killing ourselves with all the meat, sugar and fast food?  And murder was not so easy to get away with back then. Yeah, I remember.  It all started with those damn macro-neurotics pushing their “Food As Medicine” agenda years ago.  Once people realized that food can heal and cure people they got Congress to pass those damn food laws and then some loonies realized that you can kill with food too.  I knew this was going to happen.  That’s why I studied, trained and tried every kind of diet and food combination imaginable and some unimaginable ones too. My studies paid off and business is booming. It’s an awful job but somebody’s got to do it.

I arrived at the scene, took a quick look, and sure enough, it was a different victim but the same scenario. Although he’d been dead since the night before, I could tell. I’ve gotten better at reading dead bodies.  He had heart problems and someone, someone he knew well, gave him something he shouldn’t have eaten, something that he couldn’t resist.  They tried to make it look like it was an accident and self-inflicted and they thought that using food as a murder weapon would be untraceable. But they forgot about one thing: they forgot about me, Marlowe Spade, Food Detective.  It’s gonna be a long Monday….

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. September 9, 2009 9:49 am

    Phiya,

    I LOVED this!

    Very true to the genre of cinema noir 40s detective flicks/books, but scarily accurate in real life, too…thank you.

  2. Nicole Venter permalink
    September 10, 2009 1:51 am

    Brilliant:)

  3. Teresa permalink
    September 11, 2009 6:18 pm

    hehehe !!! Definitely black humour ;)

  4. Frank Spada permalink
    March 19, 2013 1:11 pm

    It’s strange

    like if the “fato”…
    Happiness, mr. Phiya Kushi’s

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  1. Thursday Morning – Marlowe Spade, Food Detective « Phiya Kushi

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